How do we love people? Why is it hard at times, even as a Christian, to love and forgive?
I think it will help if we look at various aspects of forgiveness and love, as it relates to restoring and maintaining relationships. To begin, let's look at something I call the "forgiveness facade."
FORGIVENESS AND ALLOWANCE
The forgiveness facade is when we feel that we must quickly forgive a person's sin against us, thinking that means we hastily forget about it and move on. This mindset keeps us from judging righteously because by not addressing the sin, it appears we are allowing it. However, there's a difference between forgiveness and allowance.
We read in Luke 17:3 that Jesus said, "If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him."
To rebuke your brother when he sins doesn't mean to accept the sin, or simply brush it under the rug and move on. Yes, we do forgive him if he repents, but that doesn't mean the sin is not addressed. How this is done will vary, and I won't get into that here. (There are many Scriptures on this topic, including Matthew 5:21-26 and Matthew 18:15-35, as well as other New Testament verses). The point is, not understanding this forgiveness facade may get in the way of working through the forgiveness process, and maintaining the relationship.
FORGIVENESS AND OFFENSE
Additionally, it's also important to understand that there's a difference between forgiving someone for a wrong they committed against you, and the offense you may have taken in your heart for what they did. Forgiveness is a response to repentance from sin, but any offense you might have taken also needs to be dealt with.
You forgive someone for the sin they committed against you, when they come to you and repent. You don't "forgive" someone for the offense you took from their sin. They are not responsible for the offense that you took. That is a separate issue that you must deal with before God, (and you might need to ask that person forgive you depending on how you might have reacted toward them).
There's been crazy talk in our society, some places even trying to pass laws, saying that if you say something that another person takes offense at, then YOU can be charged for their offense! This is absurd. Biblically, each person is responsible for what they have control over. I don't have control over how you feel, or what you think, so how can I be held accountable for your feelings or thoughts, or what you did as a result of them?
In the same way, if I became bitter over a sin committed against me, the other person is not responsible for my bitterness. I might try to convince myself that they are responsible, but they are not. And I dare not wait until they repent to let go of my bitterness. It might never happen.
So remember to distinguish between these two things:
- When a person who has sinned against you comes to you and repents, forgive them.
- When a person sins against you, don't pick up, or hang on to, any offense, bitterness, anger etc. Get rid of it right away, don't wait for them to come to you and repent.
OFFENSE OR JUDGEMENT
Once we learn to distinguish between forgiveness and offense, then we also need to understand the difference between taking offense from a sin committed against you, and taking on a condemning judgment toward someone who hasn't sinned against you. They might just rub you the wrong way, or you don't like them for whatever reason.
We can see how we might be tempted to take offense against a person who has wronged us, but we may not always see the "offense" we develop when a person has done nothing wrong against us. We, for whatever reason, develop a condemning, judgmental, critical, irritable, or accusatory attitude against them.
In either case, whether you're dealing with an offense due to sin, or some other condemning attitude you have against another person, it's up to you to get before God and deal with it, repent of it, and get your heart right. It's not up to to the other person to fix the condition of your heart for you.
If a person has wronged you, they may NEVER come and ask for your forgiveness. You can't wait for that. And by dealing with your heart issues right away, then if/when they do come and repent, you'll be ready, and can sincerely, from the heart, let them know you forgive them.
In some cases, you might think a person needs to repent, but if they have no conviction in their heart, if they have done nothing wrong, if they have no idea that you are struggling to love them, and have no idea that there may be something they could do to help bring reconciliation into your relationship, they will never come to you to repent or seek reconciliation because they do not know it's needed.
How many times are we waiting for the other person to come to us to make amends, when they have no idea that there is anything to make amends for? And the problem is not with them, its with us.
HOW DO WE FIX THIS?
I believe if we get too wrapped up in what is right and wrong for ourselves--meaning that we put ourselves under a legalistic relationship with the Lord--then we will project that same legalism onto others, becoming intolerant and unmerciful toward them. (Read that again!)
We are to forgive as God has forgiven us. But in order to do so, we must FIRST receive His forgiveness for us. We must FIRST take ourselves out from under law--from under soulish-realm rule.
We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). We MUST receive His love, His Son, His salvation, His grace, His truth, His forgiveness and mercy, before we can ever truly offer it to others without it being a religious act of duty based on legalism instead of relationship.
We must not let the enemy bring condemnation on us, causing us to pick at our faults, our sin, or our weaknesses. Instead, we must receive the love of God--the sacrifice of His Son--in us.
We need His love and forgiveness embedded within our hearts, so as not to be judgmental toward others.
It's really about receiving His love for us.
REALLY RECEIVING IT.
Then, and only then, can we love others the same way.
That's it. We make it too hard.
You are not being selfish in receiving the love of God.
Without receiving it, you can't love others. You'll just put them under law, as you do yourself, apart from His love.
It's true that we're not worthy of His love, but we NEVER WILL BE. We have to get up and get past that. This is worship--acknowledging His great love for us, when we don't deserve it, and then doing the same for others.
I think what often happens, is that we get motivated by our love for God (because of His love for us) and then we try and live up to His standard in our own strength. When we slip away just a bit in our relationship with Him, when our understanding of His love dims a little, and our daily time in His presence, (which reassures us of His love for us), begins to be neglected, then we will eventually try and earn that love back and legalism begins to rise. It just doesn't work. We can't do it that way. We NEED His love as a continual flow in our lives.
We must remember, and hold close, His love for us, not just our love for Him. This is only possible as we stay in daily, intimate, communion with Him.
See also
Healing from the Wounds of Sin.
No comments:
Post a Comment